"Friending our Foes"
An open debate
Debate Topics. Learn Skills. Find the Middle.
the nitty gritty
"I wish that each time I hear someone speak I could hear the intent behind the words being expressed"
How I do it
The secret sauce
After getting to know your needs, we start with the contentious issues facing your community. With an arsenal of topics in hand, participants go through a heated discussion. When things get heated, I advise participants on how to adjust their language to get people to really listen. Your participants will do this in an extremely supportive, participant driven environment. By the end of the workshop, your participants will have practiced an array of debate strategies, discussed a topic that needed to be discussed, and have a few laughs along the way.
Who has seen it?
Here is a list of where I have presented
- SHRM Chicago Emerging Leaders (Society for Human Resource Managment)
- HRTX (The Human Resources Technology Experience)
- Solomon Schechter - Jewish Day School
- MBLGTACC - College Conference (Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference)
- Advocates for Youth - Reproductive Health Advocates
- Lake Zurich High School - Their Gay-Straight Alliance club.
- Limmud Chicago - A Jewish learnings event
- Action Camp - The Illinois Safe Schools Alliance
- Anshe Emet Synagogue - Shavuot Tikkun (2014/2017/2018)
- Creating Change (2017)
Origin
Why I made the workshop
In high school, I was an avid fighter for marriage equality. If you tried to tell me anything that wasn't totally pro LGBT, I would debate you till you agreed. One day my mom's good friend came over and told me that she thought "marriage is between one man and one woman." I immediately started crying because I literally thought she was the devil. I ran off to the bathroom and avoided her like the plague. After some time, I gave in and realized that she was more than just her opinion, shocking. Even though we disagreed, we could have a real talk with one another and at least try to learn something from each of our experiences.
After working with activists, I noticed this same problem on a larger scale. If someone disagreed about a topic, they would be ignored not engaged. I wanted to create an opportunity for people from different sides of the spectrum to understand other viewpoints. After having an "ah ha" moment, the workshop was born. I presented it as a youth lead workshop at Advocates for Youth's Urban Retreat 2012. The rest is history.
It's "Friending Our Foes" the show on Live Stream
I wanted to bring my passion for debating controversial topics to the web. On my Periscope show #DEBATE, I pick today's juiciest topics and lay out the various points of view using my positive energy, LIVE. Viewers chime into the conversation. Everyone leaves with a new perspective allowing them to see beyond their own opinions.
Conflict Consulting
I use the passion I have for helping people communicate to facilitate dialogues between conflicting parties. Is there someone you care about that you are constantly fighting with? Often the problem is not as much the content of the fight as much as it is how you are communicating it. There's always a reason for the fight deep down that seldom comes out. Over the past 5 years, I have helped people get to the core of their arguments so that they can start to repair relationships.
Here are their stories...
Unrequited Love
How I helped two friends determine if they wanted to date each other
It was a game of he said she said. I went back and forth to figure out if these two actually wanted to pursue each other. He wasn't ready for a relationship with her while she was ready for marriage. They were stuck in uncertainty. I went back and forth and helped them communicate their problems. By the end, they were able to have a long overdue conversation.
Father and Son
What do you do when your dad/business partner doesn't trust you with the reigns?
Working with your dad can be a challenge especially when millennial tech knowledge and old school wisdom conflict. The son wanted to modernize the business while the dad was pointing out the risks involved. Together, these two could take over the world. But they could not see eye to eye. We all hashed out what the real problems were and helped them get more clarity than their expensive shrink could.
When you are still married to you ex...
She wanted to stay married and he didn't
When I saw a screaming incident blow up with the split couple in front of their two-year-old child, I knew I had to do something. Having been the product of divorce, I wanted to spare this child from going through the yelling I went through. I took it upon myself to talk to the wife and find out what she was most upset about. Over the next few weeks, we found out exactly why they couldn't stand each other and they both thanked me in the end.
Wisconsin is for Lovers?
Was it just a fling or something more?
While I was making new friends at my camping adventure in Wisconsin, I saw a love spark between two of my adventure mates. But, neither of them were sure what they wanted. I asked one and he said he wanted a relationship and the other said he wanted to just date. It was clear that they were both looking for different things. With a bit of back and forth, they figured it out for themselves and spared everyone on the trip a ton of awkwardness.
Creator / Facilitator / Energizer
Chicago, IL
Shaily has been entertaining, emceeing, teaching, and public speaking since she was 17. Born and raised in the Chicago area as a first generation American, she has a teaching degree from Indiana University. She has worked in both the Jewish and LGBT community. While everyone is buried into their phones, she strives to create new ways to bring communities together. In her free time, she obsesses over reality competition shows such at Big Brother & Survivor. She believes that stand up comedy is the "cure to life." One of her most life changing experiences was a program called Inside-Out Prison Exchange where she spent 4 months bonding with her incarcerated classmates. It allowed her to love people no matter what their background.
Connect With Shaily
For bookings outside of Chicago and special pricing email me at MissHakimian@gmail.com
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